I want to talk to you about a very important question that we ask ourselves from time to time, and that is – do I have to know my purpose?
Do I really need absolute certainty in what my purpose is before I go out there and start taking the necessary actions to live the most fulfilling life possible?
Confused? I was recently running a seminar down in Melbourne and I had a good fortune speaking with a lady who’s in the audience, and she mentioned to me that she’d been sitting at home for well over 3 years virtually immobilized by the fact that she didn’t have unquestionable certainty, and unstoppable determination with absolute – the most highest level of vision and mission possible, and as a result of that she wasn’t able to move any way.
In fact she’d been sitting at home for over three 3 years not moving because she’d been convinced in the personal development industry that you must be crystal clear on your message and I’m going to tell you that is an absolute load of rubbish. Absolute load of rubbish!
You don’t have to be certain about what you’re going to do in life!
In fact, you can be as unclear as humanly possible yet still take necessary actions that will allow you to be fulfilled!
Certainly, when I poll the audiences quite often I find that most people in the audience have been out on some kind of date before.
Now, in a room of about 500 people I always ask the question – raise your hand if you’ve ever experienced love at first sight and are still happily married or connected with that person today. Normally I have a room of about 500, there’ll be about 3 or 4 people that raise their hand. That tells me that love at first sight is somewhat of an anomaly it’s kind of like finding a unicorn! It’s a very, very, very rare feat – but for the rest us mere mortals the fact is that when we started dating people or going out on dates or getting into romantic relationships, we didn’t wait till we were head-over-heels in love before we went out on our first date!
In fact, the first thing we did was we actually went out on a date. When we went out on a date we had no idea what this person was going to be like. We might have a bit of an understanding or maybe we’ve seen a photo of them or maybe a friend had referred us – or who knows how you got on that date. Fact is – your very first date is not really a date!
Your first date is nothing other than a deep psychological analysis of another human being, and you start to look at things like:
• How they’re dressed
• How they’re talking
• Did they make me laugh?
• What sort of restaurant are we going to?
• What sort of car they’re driving?
• What sort of conversations are we having?
Based on that, you score them either plus or minus – if they look really nicely dressed you give them a plus, if you go outside and there’s a nice fancy sports car in the drive way you might give them a plus but if they walk passed that sports car and jump into a beaten up 1960s Datsun Sedan (I don’t even know if they had it back in 1960s), you give them a minus – and so on and so forth. After this little plus or minus game at the end of your first day, you sit at home and you work out if they had more pluses; even just one more plus than minuses – you will go on a second date.
This is the dating process at least for the first couple of weeks, you’re looking for more pluses than minuses and if you get more each day – you continue to go on a date.
After a couple of weeks you start to feel a little bit emotional, a little bit connected, you start to feel something warm in your heart and you start to realize that you’re really starting to like this person that you’re dating.
As the weeks sort of turn into months pretty soon you’ll start to realize you are in fact falling in love with this person you are dating and of course, you know what happens next, you sit down on your dinner table you look them straight in the eyes and with absolute confidence you say I love you!
They’d say – excuse me what did you just say? And you’d say I really love you!
They’d say – sorry you’re going to have to speak up I didn’t hear what you said. And you’d say Alright! You got me. I LOVE YOU!
I don’t know if you had an experience like that, but the fact is: “the first time we tell someone we love them – we still not really sure if they’re going to reciprocate that, we’re still a little bit cautious as to really if we’re feeling this feeling for real.”
Falling in love with someone is exactly the same process as finding your purpose in life!
Sitting at home, wanting to be crystal clear and absolutely certain in what your purpose is – is as insane as saying “I refuse to date anybody until I’m certain that I’m in love with them, until I’m fully committed to spending the rest of my life with that person – I’m simply not going to go on a single date!”
Guess what, you and I have been there before! Millions of people around the world are going through this process right now:
• They’re sitting on a job they don’t like
• They’re doing things that aren’t fulfilling
• They’re making just enough money to barely pay the bills so that they can go back to something that they don’t enjoy…
The reason they’re doing that is because they’ve been sold this lie, that until you’re crystal clear with absolute certainty you can’t take the first step.
My advice: Start dating some ideas!
If you like coaching, then:
• Read a coaching book,
• Attend a coaching seminar,
• Call up a coach and talk to a coach,
• Read some psychology books to learn a little bit of mindset,
Start dating in the evenings or the weekends!
If you continue to like the date – then my advice is: Intensify the dating!
Go from dating to sleeping over!
Sleeping over is where you might go and get a certification in coaching – and then who knows maybe you’ve slept over at the coaching house, maybe go and leave your toothbrush there! Leaving your toothbrush there is where you may be start to go part timing your day job.
Then before you know it – you place clothes in the wardrobe; that’s basically as committed as you going to get. Next thing you know you’re basically stepped in and you’ve moved into the house and that’s pretty much where you quit your day job altogether and you’re fully and completely aligned to coaching.
START DATING! Don’t think you have to be in love, don’t think you have to be certain.
People always say to me:
“Ben, what’s it like knowing with absolute certainty what you’re going to dedicate your life to?”
I have to tell you that I don’t even know what that means, I have no idea.
All I know is right now, talking to you is inspiring to me. Sharing this information with you to help you feel liberated and experience freedom in you life, this inspires me right now! I tell you this much, that if I wake up tomorrow and this doesn’t inspire me anymore – I’m not going to do it anymore!”
One of the greatest lessons I ever got from one of my spiritual teachers was this:”Just because you manifest something – doesn’t mean you have to use it.” So just because you create the most successful coaching practice you could, doesn’t mean that if you started to love property that you have to keep doing coaching.
My advice is: Learn to live in a state of transformation, but certainly at least start dating some ideas!
If you like the stock market, then do some paper trades. If you like gardening go and learn some gardening course at your local horticulture center. If you like travelling go and do a bit of travelling. Just see what it’s like to go on a few dates! Before you know it you’ll start to feel something; and before you know it you’ll start to fall in love; and before you know it you would’ve opened up your heart to your purpose – and we’ll be in your way!
Until we meet again, give yourself permission, you do not need to be clear, you do not need to be certain, and just start going on a few dates with some ideas, with some topics, with some concepts, and see if you do in fact happen to fall in love with one of them.
Getting clear on your purpose…
If you would like some further assistance on how you can actually get clear on your purpose, we have our signature personal development program called the Turning Point Intensive. This is a 2 day workshop that you’re going to get an incredible amount of value out of it! During this workshop we will show you the four key steps to discovering how to have a life with more meaning, to discovering more fulfillment, and to journeying forth with absolute confidence and courage – not certainty, just confidence and courage that you are stepping ever closer to your purpose in life.
If you’d like to join us for the Turning Point, please click here to book your seat! The rooms that we have for these events are limited by the size of the people that we can fit into it – so the sooner you register, the better. There’re also bonuses and for people who do register early too!